A grief not of my own

 A very good friend's father recently passed away. This was the first time any of our inner circle of friends experienced a loss of a parent. We helped in the tangible ways we knew how: Texting/calling for updates, meal trains, gift cards, engaging our network of medical professionals. They were all deeply appreciated. We couldn't treat his illness, but we could solve for the consequential obstacles, hopefully clearing a path for our friend to process and grieve.

I gave her a call as the situation unfolded, anxious about not knowing what I would say or what it would accomplish, but feeling compelled to connect. Almost immediately I burst into tears when she picked up the phone. So did she. It was unexpectedly cathartic for both of us to have a good cry together, even if it didn't "accomplish" anything. 

What I later learned from a timely Brain Pickings video share on helping grieving friends is that sometimes the solution is just. to. cry. Go into their bubble of sadness, anger, and confusion and sit with them. It's OK to not know what to say and share in their pain. This video by Maria Devine explains how to help a friend deep in grief: 

It reminded me of another video my husband shared with me a while back, with much funnier undertones. While the topics between these videos aren't the same, the sentiment is: 


Sometimes it's better to listen and acknowledge the pain instead of trying to take it away. It may be exactly what they need.

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